Olney Runners Squeaky Bone Race 2011

So here we are, Gordon's Gophers back again for a second year to run the Olney Runner Squeaky Bone Race but this time there are new faces. The team captain yours truly and Ben (iPod free, a lesson learnt from last year) remain the same but unless Jane has undergone a sex change and Row has drunk from the fountain of youth, we now have Dave (right) and John (left), the original cast of the Gordon's Gophers race team.

It's a good day for racing, not too wet under foot despite the rainfall a couple of days ago and your caught between the decision on whether to wear or not wear sun glasses. Team tactics discussed, race order established and target agreed, to beat last years team time of 2hrs:00:16secs with each runner looking to achieve a sub 30 minute leg (John also needed to get away in time to see his son compete in a tennis tournament so we couldn't keep him waiting for fear that our fourth runner would not have been there to receive the baton on the final leg). Last minute nerves relieved, thank you for porta loos, then a sudden realisation that we best get Dave to the start in a hurry as the other runners were on the starting block.

Squeaky Bone in hand, Dave poised to run, the hooter sounds and we're off. Cheers ring out, strong support provided by our kids, Sophie, Madelaine, Imogen and Oliver with Molly strategically placed to offer cheers of encouragement just after mile 2....well to be honest she was tempted by the offer of a seat for the race duration by one of the marshalls and who could blame her!


Time was spent guessing as what time Dave would complete his run in order to ensure Ben was ready for the baton hand over.......and there he was running a blinding first leg. But wait "we have a problem Houston", is he struggling to keep his tracksuit bottoms up? A second glance confirms he is, this could be embarrassing! The handover to Ben takes place, a bit fiddly so not the quickest but at the same time it wasn't a matter of them sitting down for a cup of tea and a chat before the handover.

The first leg completed in 27mins:30 regardless of the tracksuit malfunction, something that should have been avoided as Dave later pointed out, he never intended to run with them on but failed to take them off due to the rush at the start. He also thought removing them whilst running would not to be a good idea for fear of losing time or causing a racing field pile up in the process. A cracking time, well run Dave and the gauntlet laid down for the team to better.

Ben was off tackling the race second leg, a sub 30 minute target with a desire to improve on his 2010 run. With no iPod his known source of running strength, would singing to himself have the same affect or could his team and supporters sing to him enroute (does trance music have lyrics?). Left guessing when Ben would be back for the hand over I find myself getting into position based on him completing a 29/30 minute run. There he is, a sprint finish into the changeover zone a run time of 30mins:20, bettering last years run by 29 seconds, well run Ben.

So I was off, third leg of the race and looking to match Dave's run time if not better. All thought of pacing myself for the 3.5 mile duration went out the window as I sped off. Dave had his tracksuit crisis, I experienced a Garmin crisis, the screen went blank and was left with no measure of monitoring my performance. Oh no the techno geek was lost, what am I to do, I need to pace myself but with no watch to monitor my pace what do I do? I choose to listen to my body and my body said "look up ahead that's Louise Lewis, I know her, lets chase her down". As it was not very muddy I found the ground hard and uneven which made my foot fall awkward and uncomfortable. As I ran on, Louise in site, my watch beeped, I looked at the display but blank, it had however just beeped on the first mile. The sound was good, perhaps I would have a Garmin record of my run but for now I still had no idea of time or pace. The route felt longer than last year, definitely mind over matter as 3.5 miles is 3.5 miles, no room for the organisers to slip in any extra distance unless of course I was foul to a Derren Brown experiment. The 2 mile beep was a welcome sound as too was when I picked up a fallen bunny tail (not a real tail but the tail of a Muckie Bunnies team runner, one which turned out to belong to my wife Rachael). I had just achieved something that I had joked about before the start of the race, to pinch one of the bunnies tails. I now had my prize, squeaky bone in one hand and the tail in the other.


I managed to catch up with Louise and after being able to spend a good time admiring her rear I thought I would now reciprocate and allow her to admire my rear. The last half mile just didn't want to end, Derren Brown's experiment was obviously taking affect but there in the distance a cheer from the crowd "come on Gordon" awoke my senses and I was now in the finishing straight ready to hand over to John.

The third leg completed in 28mins:00, I didn't manage to beat Dave's time but bettered last years run by 1min:06. The perfect handover if I say so myself, Olympians watch and learn, John was now off on the final leg.

John on his way racing with high expectations from the team, last years performance was there to be beaten. We waited cheering in the finishers, a good turn out for the day of 44 teams. Final straight and he was in site, the crowd went wild (written for dramatic effect) spurring him on to the finish line in 25mins:35, the best individual time for the Gordon's Gophers team, great running John.


The race was over, Gordon's Gophers came and conquered setting a new team time of 1hr:51mins:25, smashing last years run time by 8 minutes, 51 seconds.

Well done to the team, great effort all round and now all that's left is to say "SEE YOU NEXT YEAR" when a trophy could end up having our name on it!